I would like to try to help anyone who has had a relative, whether a son, daughter, brother or other, become a member of Scientology. So I'm going to give the most practical advice I can think of based upon 14 years experience in Scientology.

The first thing I would advise you to do is not to see the situation as totally black. You may see Scientology described as an evil, brainwashing cult whose leader was some kind of maniac con man.

These statements are similar to those used in the war against drugs - they mean well, they are designed to send a very strong signal to the world in general that Scientology is best avoided. It is a valid as an eye-catching warning because Scientology IS best avoided but the truth is often more mundane. Scientology has an unpleasant side due mainly to certain fanatical elements among Scientology staff who make what is rather an innocuous semi-helpful therapy into a stressful heavy-selling business. Also, Hubbard's paranoid mentality has infected even the good side of Scientology. However, almost all Scientologists worthy of the name are more moral than most and place a very high value upon ethical conduct. There are no drugs, no orgies, no satanic rituals - most activities in Scientology are either very mundane or mildly interesting. If the person has become a member of staff at a Scientology organisation then they will be working rather hard for little pay and being shouted at from time to time if their work is not producing results. A non staff member has other problems, he or she IS in danger of giving all their money to the church although THEY don't see this as much of a problem! What I'm saying is, don't upset yourself with imaginings based on some of the more lurid headlines. I've been there, so don't worry, it's pretty mundane, non-threatening stuff most of the time! The negative effects don't lie in the areas above. There are worse fates than being a Scientologist! Remember that - keep grounded - it's not good that he or she has connected up with Scientology, but don't get imaginings of terrible things happening to your relative. The life within Scientology is not SO different from working for a high-pressure hard-sell vacuum cleaner Co.!

But I want to give you my first piece of advice connected with your direct relation with your relative. (I'll use the example of a daughter who has become closely connected to Scientology). My first piece of advice is to avoid having confrontations where you quickly get irate when she refuses to respond to your statements about how terrible Scientology is. You'll be tempted to turn up the heat and show her how disappointed you are that she can't see the "truth".

You'll have to be cleverer than this. As we Scots say you'll have to "Ca' Canny" Roughly translated it means something like "Go Carefully & Wisely". You stand in great danger of losing her unless you remain affectionate and understanding with her. You must use all your self control not to fly off the handle at her, showing your exasperation and rejection. She will not see your emotions in the light you might expect. She will see some wild crazy person who truly understands nothing and who may even be what in Scientology is called a "Supressive Person" - this is the very LAST impression you want to make! If you persist in this kind of approach she will most likely cut off communication with you - either from her own volition or because of the Church policy of disconnection from a suppresive or "enturbulating" influence. You see what you will have done, you will have played yourself out of the game - your influence will be almost nil following a few outbursts like this.

In Scientology good communication is prized and seen as one of Man's noblest attributes. Along with communication they prize Affinity (Affection/Liking/Warm fellow Feeling) and Reality (Agreement/Common Ground/Being real To One Another). If you hope to have some influence in the following weeks, months and unfortunately in many cases, years, you will have to try to keep cool inside and warm outside. Don't get cold with her whatever you do! Show your love for her, your willingness to understand - do listen. If you do this with as relaxed a bearing as you can muster, maintaining good warm communication - you will then be in a position to question her a little more critically on Scientology. But I would urge you that a little is a lot in this regard. Don't, whatever you do make it a litany all on the one night. Just slip a little semi-question in to tickle her critical faculties now and then. You must NOT expect immediate results - take a longer view on teasing her back out - don't rush it - there ARE no immediate results here (unless the person is in the extremely early stages of interest - if you catch them then you can be bolder and show the person all the critical sources at your disposal.

But if she has bonded with Scientology - take it slow and clever - and keep in good warm communication - you'll find your daughter saying some odd things to you at times - but at least you'll still have your daughter's company, and you can try to ease her out if you are VERY careful - it's not an easy job though I must admit and she musn't become aware of what you're doing, if she does she'll freak. It's tough. It might not result in your daughter coming out of Scientology but it will enable you to still have a meaningful relationship with someone who you can still recognise as your daughter. If you go the shouting and snarling route the next thing you know she will be a stranger to you, cold and aloof. I know you don't want that. Go easy on her okay, remember she is not the culprit, she is the victim. Don't lash her with your tongue and don't unleash an endless tirade about how evil Scientology is. You see, she knows better.

Some background: Her first connection may have been a Personality Test. Maybe a friend told her about it and she was curious. She answered 200 questions by filling in a form. Then someone showed her a graph created from her answers. Her graph will not have been perfect. The person will point to parts of the graph dealing with her ability to communicate to others or whatever part is lowest. She will be told that this is spoiling her life, that she would be happier if she could improve this. If she agrees that it is a problem for her and that she would like to do something about it - then the evaluator would recommend the Communications Course (Scientology title: Hubbard Apprentice Scientologist (H.A.S.) Course. This is a course where a person does various drills with other ordinary everyday people designed to improve communication skills. In my personal experience this course is a challenging but actually quite effective course and can bring increased confidence in ones ability to come out of shyness, be composed in previously anxiety-making situations and can also be quite fun and absorbing to do. It is important that you see that Scientology is not all airy-fairy words, reading unintelligable books and believing in a guru who intones vague messages of spiritual mumbo-jumbo. This first taste of something that really seems to do something for you is quite heady. Combine that with the fact that most Scientologists are rather intelligent people, that they are articulate and friendly, you will see that she can be forgiven for wanting more of this. These impulses are positive and well founded. It is only quite a bit later that things become more problematic.

After she completes the Communications Course she will be seen by "The Registrar" whose aim will be to sign her up for her "next step". Every time a person completes something in Scientology there are various people to see - sometimes the person is not always available and that step is bypassed. The Registrar is NEVER bypassed however! He or she will no doubt be very friendly, congratulatory and interested in the person in front of them. Behind everything though will be the utter determination that the person in front of them will not fall by the wayside but will take their next step in Scientology. The Registrar is one of the MOST determined people she will ever meet in Scientology!

If she has no money she may well be encouraged to join staff. Enticements will be free training and free Scientology processing (the usual name the therapy of Scientology is given). If she has money she will be very strongly encouraged to take her next step to "Total Freedom". She may be shown the "Grade Chart" which shows all the main services available in Scientology.

In either case she will not leave without some books to read by L. Ron Hubbard.

Now there is a quantum difference between Scientologists who remain public persons and pay for their Scientology services and those who are staff members. Although I met many very fine people who were staff members from my experience their lofty ideals and hopes become very often reduced to a daily slog just to produce enough good looking statistics to keep their executives off their backs. The staff members often are much less ethical than the public Scientologists. They are also likely to be more sarcastic, cold and critical in general. In my experience they often become quite robotic in their behaviour - the unhappy fanatisiscm and zealotry of Scientology staff comes from the terrible pressure they must bear relentlessly day in day out to find more people, to get them into Scientology, to do ever more of what they are supposed to do and always under the utmost pressure... (To be continued... Email me if you have any questions or wish advice at: [email protected] :)